The Air Force family and how to find a Wingman

CHARLESTON AIR FORCE BASE, S.C. -- As we approach Wingman Day at Charleston AFB, I'd like to share a personal story and some views on what it means to be a Wingman.

Fourteen years ago and brand new to Hill AFB, Utah, my husband Gary was diagnosed with an acoustic neuroma (brain tumor). After the initial identification, things happened rather fast. Due to the size of his tumor, we were set up for a med-evac to Wilford Hall for evaluation.

Being new to the base, we had not really established any friends. But what happened next was truly amazing. Civilians that worked in the depot volunteered to watch our house, our pet and even our little girl, Laura. A newlywed lieutenant and his wife moved into our house, the first sergeant's wife got a power of attorney to care for Laura, a civilian supervisor worked with the lieutenant to accomplish lawn care, the commander drove us to the flightline and the care continued.

For 67 days and three intensive care unit trips, our new extended family showed their care and concern. Literally hundreds of cards were sent from both our units wishing Gary a quick recovery. Chiefs stopped in weekly to chart recovery progress and a staff sergeant and ball player on Gary's softball team from our last assignment came in and sat with me every day! Another military friend volunteered to drive our car from Hill to San Antonio. When we returned, people dropped off meals, flowers and just came by to take Laura to the movies.

Three days after we returned home, Gary required emergency brain surgery. His maintenance supervisor and wife met me at the emergency room in the middle of the night and sat with me during the entire operation. I had never met his wife before, but she stayed for the entire 14 hours.

The support we received was incredible.

That was 14 years ago. Since that time, the Air Force has developed a Wingman concept. In my mind, it is just a formalized process of that Air Force family ethic.
Wingman. We hear the term on a regular basis. What exactly is a "Wingman"?
In Air Force lexicon, a Wingman is a pilot who flies alongside the leader of a flying formation providing mutual support and backup in the accomplishment of a mission. Every Airman needs a wingman: a personal buddy who knows you, can relate to you and is there to provide personal encouragement and has your back if the need arises.
I have done some research and tried to formulate what attributes are required for a good Wingman process.

A "Wingman" is:
-- Local - your Wingman needs to be accessible. Someone you can reach and talk to at a moment's notice.

-- Trustworthy - Your Wingman is someone you trust with your life. They aren't going to return to base on a night out on the town because they're tired until ensuring you have backup.

-- Uplifting - They support and encourage you.

--Direct - He pulls no punches - and they have the freedom and responsibility to tell it straight.

-- Priority - Their friendship is a priority in your life and you are a priority in theirs.

--Loyal - When the times are tough, you know they are there.
A "Wingman" is not:

-- A casual or forced relationship. Wingmen should not be appointed because they are in the same flight or reside in the same dorm.

-- A superficial relationship. You cannot say - yes I have a Wingman; I have a card and I know their name.

-- A hit or miss acquaintance; a sometimes relationship.

-- A wimp. They may have to stand firm and take your keys or demand you leave a party with them to avoid a personal or sexual assault encounter.

-- An "I can't make it" kind of guy. A Wingman never leaves the formation even when getting fired on.

-- An underdeveloped relationship - He is someone you actually want to be real with and holds you to a high standard.

-- Just any guy.

How do I find a "Wingman"?

-- Look around your shop, your dorm, your squadron, your church - identify some key people around you.

-- Engage - Initiate discussions with guys/gals you respect.

-- Get to know the guys - Identify who's willing to go below the surface. Make the hard but honest assessments.

-- Ask - Be willing to take a chance. Even if this guy does not turn out to be your "Wingman" he may make a great "crew" member or mentor.

-- Define/commit and prioritize - agree with your Wingman what your relationship is and is not.

-- Brothers in arms - Pray together, share together, build one another up, encourage one another, talk together, meet together.

-- Look for your "Crew" - A team with a common interest assembled to serve a common goal. Expand your circle, locate other brothers- and sisters-in-arms.

Do you have a Wingman? If not, begin the process to find one today!