'Deployed' -- Grand Forks AFB children serve as inspiration for local play

Published April 18, 2012
By Airman 1st Class Derek VanHorn
319th Air Base Wing Public Affairs

GRAND FORKS AIR FORCE BASE, N.D. -- Most kids in America kiss Mom or Dad goodbye in the morning, and see them again when they sit down for dinner that evening.

But military children can go six months without seeing one, or even both, of their parents. For some, it can be more than a year of missed birthdays, bedtime stories and shared conversations.

Thanks to the 24-hour live news cycle - and the unfortunate experience of some of their friends - they have to live with the fact that it's possible a parent might never come home.

This is the reality for children whose deployed parents serve their country a half a world away.

Kathy Coudle-King, a local theater director, wanted to shed light on the lives of military children, so she turned to students who attend school on Grand Forks Air Force Base, N.D.

Her interaction with the students resulted in "Deployed," a one-act play comprised entirely of their own words that was performed April 13-14 at the Fire Hall Theatre in downtown Grand Forks.

"I would just like people to appreciate what the children are giving up, because they are giving up a lot," said Coudle-King, executive director of the Greater Grand Forks Community Theater. "They are giving up pieces of the normalcy of growing up."

Coudle-King was able to capture the heartfelt emotions with the help of Eric Sanders, an English teacher at the base's Twining Middle School, who provided her access to a writing workshop with more than 50 of his seventh- and eighth-grade students.

Coudle-King visited the school on four occasions, each time having the students tap into different areas and emotions involved with having a deployed parent.

The first question Coudle-King asked the group of students was, "Have you ever had a parent deploy?"

The response wasn't one she expected. The kids looked confused.

"Which parent?" they responded.

"That was sort of an 'Oh my goodness' moment," Coudle-King said, who hadn't realized many children actually have had both parents deploy.

The response to another question - "What's the hardest part about having a parent deploy?" - also left her stunned.

"Which time?" they asked her.

"Some of these kids have had their parent out of the country more than they've had them in the country over the course of their entire lives," Coudle-King said.

She said she thought that first visit might be her last when about an hour into writing about their feelings "the hard part came about."

"One young girl started talking about having her parent deploy and started to cry and then several others started crying," she explained. "I wasn't even sure I would be allowed back the next day."

She said some students refused to speak for the remainder of the session.

Sanders, the classroom teacher, insisted that Coudle-King continue with the project, saying that it was encouraging to tap into those emotions and provide the kids an outlet to share meaningful thoughts about their lives.

"Once the students eventually started talking, they never even had to look down at what they wrote," he said. "It was all material that really meant something to them. To have them feel that it was a safe enough place to come out and talk about their feelings made us feel very encouraged and good about the process."

Sanders said there was an observable interest among the students when Coudle-King returned to the classroom months later with the play's script. They scanned it, shouting out in excitement when they recognized their own words.

"There was definitely some pride in there," said Coudle-King.

Seven children - five of whom are military family members and have had or currently have parents deployed - acted in the play to help depict the lives, struggles, challenges, and even the laughs of children whose parents serve abroad.

During the play, the actors and actresses shared experiences and feelings on their lives, including how they were informed Mom or Dad would be leaving, how they kept in contact, and how difficult it was having someone so important so far away.

"The hardest part is just not having a sense of security for my parents," said Minnesota native Brooke Pesch, 16, during the play. "What I mean is that there is still a chance that they may never come home. Then when it suddenly hits me and I suddenly realize that he is at the mercy of whoever is in control of the situation.

"That sense of insecurity feels like an empty void that you see on TV. All you see is white and you feel afraid, nervous, anxious and worried."

The play concluded with the seven performers standing hand in hand while they sang a "Thank You" song to those who serve so selflessly overseas.

Following the performance, audience members were given the opportunity to ask the stars of the show questions about their experiences and what the play meant to them.

When asked what message the crew hoped the performance would send to the audience, 11-year old Alaina Arneson was quick to speak for the group.

"I think we were just trying to get the message out there to kids that keeping their feelings locked inside will always make everything worse," said Arneson, lead vocalist of the crew. "You should always be open about your feelings about your deployed parent and not keep them inside."

Bradley Dawson, 14, said the play sent an important message to people, showing them how deployments can affect families.

"The hardest part is adapting," said Dawson, who has been deemed the man-of-the-house four times as his father has deployed. "It's really hard getting used to not having them around, especially for the children who have not been through a deployment; the first time is the hardest."

Dr. Sharon Branvold, guidance counselor at both Eielson and Twining Schools on base, echoed their thoughts, saying deployments are a part of military life and that it's therapeutic for children to talk about them and realize they're not the only one in that situation.

Branvold said she maintains an open-door policy for any students who wish to visit.

"It's not mental health, these children aren't psychologically impaired," said Branvold, who counsels around 300 students between the schools. "It's just about helping them through a tough time, getting them to know that they're safe, they're strong, and they can do this."

After reticent beginning, the journey of these students came to a successful conclusion - one that Coudle-King was happy with.

"I think it was definitely good for the children and gave them a chance to express how they really felt and what they might have been holding inside," she said.

Pesch summed it up nicely during the final stages of the performance.

"You want to scream and cry inside and lash out," she said. "And then the tears dry up and you feel proud of them for fighting for the country and proud to call them your parent even though they are gone."

"Deployed" Play