Committed to caring in CAF: Nurturing friendship helps reduce stress, improve overall well-being

Published Nov. 28, 2011
By Master Sgt. Scott T. Sturkol
Air Mobility Command Public Affairs

SCOTT AIR FORCE BASE, Ill. -- It's well documented that having friends can help a person lower stress and improve overall health.

"The more people you have in your life, the more likely you are to have truly supportive relationships with at least one of them," states an article by Elizabeth Scott entitled, "Social Support -- How to Create Truly Supportive Friendships," at www.about.com. "It's beneficial to be able to regularly add new people to your circle."

Scott added, "Building a network of supportive friends, or even just one supportive relationship, can be vital to your well-being."

In Air Mobility Command's Comprehensive Airman Fitness culture, friendship is part of two of the four pillars of fitness the culture is derived from - social and spiritual fitness, according to an AMC talking paper on CAF. It can also support the mental and physical fitness pillars of CAF, the paper states, and all of the five "Cs" of CAF to include caring, committing, connecting, communicating and celebrating.

"As human beings, we are instinctively wired for interaction and connection," the CAF talking paper states. "However, connection isn't something that happens by chance. It requires intentional effort to develop the skills to effectively reach out to others in ways that add value to both their lives as well as our own."

In an article about friendship at www.militaryonesource.com, adult and child psychologist Dr. Kenneth Condrell of Williamsville, N.Y., writes about the importance of friendships and how connecting with others helps people.

"What makes people happy?" Condrell states. "That's what a group of psychologists asked participants in a study on happiness. They now have scientific evidence telling us what must go on in our lives in order to experience a happy life -- friendships. We are social creatures and when our lives center around friendships, we experience happiness."

But how can a person reach that level of happiness and make friends. Condrell's article also provides some tips.

"Place yourself in a position to meet people," Condrell writes. "Find something you have a passion for. When you fall in love with an activity, you are in a position to meet people with the same interest. It doesn't matter if you love reading, kayaking, gardening or golf. What matters is that you have something in life you can't wait to do. When you are not doing it you are dreaming about doing it. This passion is your magic carpet to meeting others and forming life-satisfying relationships."

Condrell also advises to "reach out to others with a spirit of friendliness and conversation."

"Remind yourself that people generally love it when others show an interest in them. You can show interest in people by reaching out to them -- by smiling and saying hello, calling them up on the phone and making plans to have fun together."

Friendship can also be linked to "resilience." In the CAF culture, the end goal is "to strengthen and sustain a culture of balanced, healthy, self confident Airmen and their families whose resilience and total fitness enables them to thrive in an era of high operational tempo and persistent conflict around the world." Rita Schiano, an adjunct professor at Bay Path College, Mass., where she teaches philosophy and stress management courses, reaffirmed the connection in her on-line article, "Connect With Your Friends -- It Could Increase Your Resilience."

"Connectedness to others is one of the characteristics of resilient people. Studies of resilient children and adults have repeatedly underscored the significance of strong social relationships," Schiano writes. "Friends meet our basic human needs for love and connectedness, for respect, challenge, meaningful involvement and belonging. Conversely, other studies have shown that a lack of connectedness to others may be a risk factor in suicidal behavior.

"Friends share our joys and help us get through the tough times in life," Schiano further explained. "They help us to get tasks done (clean up after a tornado, for example); they listen and validate our feelings. It is important to remember, however, that no one person can be expected to be the "be all and end all" of support. Often it takes several friends, each of whom provide different types of support. Resilient people are good at making friends and keeping them."

Condrell stated, too, that friendships have to be nurtured.

"(Friendships) are alive and need to be fed. Nurture your relationships by taking action to avoid the (following) two main reasons why friendships fall apart."

First, Condrell writes, "people start taking each other for granted."

"You can nurture your relationships by having fun, showing compassion, being loyal, giving compliments, helping out and doing favors.
Secondly, he states "people refuse to forgive and forget when hurt feelings and disappointments occur in the friendship."
"Friendships need to be repaired from time to time, and saying 'I'm sorry' can work wonders," states Condrell.
As a person builds friendships and builds more resiliency, that's where Air Force leaders say the force will see benefits across the board.

"As we strive to speak more clearly and openly about resiliency, we also must continue to listen ever more attentively," said Gen. Norton Schwartz in his address to the Air Force Caring for People Forum on July 21 in Arlington, Va. "Truly purposeful listening is a very difficult skill to master, but it is essential for effective leaders, care providers, and wingmen alike. By taking the time to listen, we can begin to truly understand people, relate to them, and demonstrate our commitment to helping them on a person-to-person level."

And friends are good listeners.

For more on AMC's Comprehensive Airman Fitness culture, visit the CAF Web Page at http://www.amc.af.mil/caf.

(Note: This is the 19th in a series of 24 stories for 2011 by Air Mobility Command Public Affairs highlighting the Comprehensive Airman Fitness culture through a "commitment of caring." Comprehensive Airman Fitness, or CAF, is built on "four pillars" of fitness -- physical, social, mental and spiritual fitness -- and five "Cs" -- caring, committing, communicating, connecting and celebrating. "Comprehensive Airman Fitness reflects our commitment to developing a holistic approach to caring for our people that equips, enables and empowers everyone to grow more physically, socially, mentally and spiritually fit," Gen. Raymond E. Johns, Jr., AMC commander said in June 2010 while addressing CAF to AMC wing commanders. "It's not another program, but rather, a means to enhance mission effectiveness by intentionally investing in one another.")